My Backwards Tree

My Backwards Tree

My life has been like a tree that grew backwards.
The leaves looked so lush, so green, and it was heavy with  blooms all over.
From afar you would think that everything was perfect.
I had a house, a home, a family, friends, a job…
I had it all.

Then autumn arrived and the leaves fell off.
You would have been shocked by what you saw.
That tree had no branches, no trunk, and no roots.
When the leaves fell, the tree was just gone.
Everyone was shocked. They had no idea.

So I made a decision to plant a seed.
I actually planted many seeds.
Most just rotted where they had been placed.
They had no good soil, no water, and no sun.
So they died.
I planted more seeds and more seeds rotted.
Something had to change.

So I stirred up the soil and found it was full of poisons.
Secrets kept. Tears unshed. Fear scattered everywhere.
Pain packed away deep beneath the dirt.
Tiny pieces of a shattered mind cut my fingers as I dug.
It was painful and I felt uncomfortable exposed.

But with every secret that found the sun and every fear that found the air,
the pain was soothed by the slow flow of silent tears and each small piece of that shattered mind started to get reassembled.

Something wonderful began to happen.
A seed began to take hold and began to grow in the new ground.
It is now a seedling with  a few fledgling leaves.
It is small but it is growing.

I keep churning that soil.
Refusing to allow secrets to smother the roots any longer.
I try to let the fears blow past and tug on the tree a bit.
That only makes it stronger and forces the roots to go deeper in to the new, more fertile ground.
I am trying to learn to let my tears fall so my tree can have water then I try to get my pain out of the way so it can get some sun.

One day my tree is going to be lush and green with blooms all over but this time it will have deep roots, a strong trunk, and beautiful branches.
And when the autumn leaves begin to fall?
You will see me.
Whole and at peace.