Depression and anxiety have been my constant companions for over 3 decades. Being terrified of dying one minute while an anxiety attack knocks me back 10 steps and then wishing I was dead when the depressions took hold.
I felt crazy, unstable, useless, weak, incapable, and selfish. I truly felt like I had no control at all. I just “knew” that I was a huge burden to my husband. I “knew” I was a sub-par mother to my children. I had no faith at all in my ability to be good for anything. My most common message to myself was that I was simply a “waste of skin”.
I realize that some people do not agree with taking medications and I was one of them until nothing else worked for me. Even then, I would go on medications, start to feel better and then stop taking them. I rode that roller coaster (without a harness) for many years before finally realizing that I needed to find and then stay on medications that helped me.
I am on 3 now. One for my depression, one that helps with my anxiety, and one for the psychotic features that accompany my PTSD. The last one also helps me sleep which is a gift like no other after you have gone YEARS without a good nights rest.
These medications didn’t cure me and I never expected them to. They did however get me to a place where I was capable of starting treatment. My therapy would be useless without them.
I do not think everyone needs medications and I respect that every person makes the best decision for themselves. That said? If you need the medications and they help you? Never feel guilty or like you are “less than” just because you accepted some help. No one would tell a diabetic that they just need to snap out of their need for insulin. We are no different.
I hope to add links to articles on depression and anxiety as well as links to my blogs on it.
I have been VERY blessed to have found a great deal of healing over the past few years and I feel like I have an ability to share what I was fortunate enough to be taught. This is my way of paying it forward. 🙂
No matter how low you feel or how much of a burden that you are sure you are? There is hope. I promise you that. I was absolutely positive that feeling better was impossible and I had given up on it. If help could reach me? It can reach you too.
Stick with me and lets figure this out together. ❤