Heather’s Helpers

I keep saying that I will share more about my Helpers and then I don’t. It has been a huge hurdle for me to be willing to share them with others after working so hard to hide them for over 40 years. I’ve decided to just share a list with ages, general personality traits, and when it is known, the reason why they appeared. I hope it does not overwhelm you. The list is long.

Helpers

Hannah
3 years old.
Speaks in babyish sentences.
Likes to draw with crayons.
Tends to hide under beds, in closets and under tables.
Hannah is TERRIFIED of mom.

Jayden
4 years old.
Jayden and Jocelyn are together a lot.
Heather was made to look boyish when she was first sold out and Jayden took the abuse that came along with that.
He’s a very quiet little boy.
Jayden loves to play with trucks and sand.

Jocelyn
4 years old.
Jocelyn is very shy and refuses eye contact.
She is completely silent and appeared to come to being when Heather was sold to one man in particular who got very rough and threatening.
Being called “Kiddo” is her biggest trigger.

Gracie
5 years old.
Perky but fairly quiet.
Gracie loves to draw and is eager to write short letters.
She enjoys the other little ones and seems happy but she is quite afraid of Rielyn.

Marley
5 years old.
Marley is silent and scared at all times. She feels sick almost all the time as well.
She was the first one that got threatened with a gun and she handled all gun incidents in childhood from then on.
She wants to be a writer and tries to express herself that way.
Marley handled the schooling until Quinn took over.

Kalen
5 years old.
Kalen hated school and let Marley do it all while he enjoyed recess and gym for her.
Kalen was quite a good runner and could occasionally avoid a beating by being too fast to catch.
He’s a quiet guy but will answer when spoken to.

Quinn
7 years old.
Quinn is quite chatty and not afraid to speak her mind.
She is responsible for almost a full year while Heather was gone.
Quinn is not willing to listen to Rielyn which is VERY rare.
Quinn is also known to let some very inappropriate “F bombs” drop.
Quinn was balsy enough to stand up to mom and this did not go well at all.
A full 2 years of mom trying to find clever ways to kill her began because of both Quinn and Heather speaking out together.

Landon
7 years old.
Great in school when Heather couldn’t concentrate or was dealing with the side effects of whatever the current toxic cocktail from mom was.
Landon dealt with the hospitalizations twice and was able to trick the doctors in to longer stays so he could eat real food and talk to the adults.

Peyton
7 years old.
Silent and very sad.
Peyton was the janitors main victim.
Peyton and Heather though that he loved them but he was only a predator.
Peyton feels stupid for being duped.

Ayanna
8 years old.
Ayanna is full of fear.
Yellow stars are a huge trigger.
Ayanna is also in pain at all times and it feels like it is still happening now. Not only in the past.
She feels that she will never be free.

Izabelle
9 years old.
She remembers trying to commit suicide several times. She was the first to try.
Izabelle was the first to be taken for a full week one Christmas after school letting out for the holidays. She had to work really hard with Heather to live through it.
Izabelle was the first Helper to realize that staying silent wasn’t going to work any longer amongst her friends so she began to lie about what she’d done that Christmas and all the gifts that she got. This devastated her. Lying felt horrible.

Tilly ( means “strong in war”)
11 years old.
Tilly and Heather were the one who were pregnant.
Tilly did most of the closet time while Heather handled the starvation.
They took turns with the labour because it lasted so long and they were so afraid.
Tilly was the one to give birth but Heather was co-conscious to see their baby being murdered. They stayed co-conscious after that for many months to help each other get through it and get back to work despite major physical damage.

~~~ More than a full year is missing from the time Heather and Tilly buried their baby until well over a year later. Roughly March 1981 until September of 1982. It is an assumption that there was no single Helper that took this time as no one lays claim to it but we believe that all Helpers created so far helped make it through that time without missing a beat. The Helpers all seem to feel that this was the year that Rielyn came into being and took over the reins. A strong leader was needed. ~~~

Bailey
14 years old.
Very suicidal and tried to find effective ways but never had enough time alone.
Bailey was the first Helper to speak out to a counselor at school and not only tell little tidbits. She told the whole story over the course of an afternoon. Heather had tried and failed many times over the past 8-10 years but Bailey felt that she would be heard.
The counselor told Bailey she would help in any way she could… right before calling Judy/mom and telling her that Heather needed help for all the lies she was telling. Bailey never spoke up again and still holds her silence now. 31 years later.

Jenna
14 years old.
Jenna is the main self harming Helper though she’s been excellent (harm free) for almost 2 years now thanks to the tattoo pact she made with Heather.
Jenna is just mad. Furious with the world. She sees life as a series of letdowns.
Jenna has not harmed in 2 years but she still really wants to and tries to change the deal she made with Heather almost constantly.

Gage
16 years old.
Gage is the first real protector and he’s a scrappy fighter. He is not afraid to get his hands dirty.
Gage handled a few of the rougher clients in very decidedly harsh ways.
Gage still holds the will and the want to cause harm to those that hurt Heather or his fellow Helpers.
Monster mom has come very close to being on the end of his last nerve and it wouldn’t be a pretty site if she ever stepped over that last nerve without Gage being stopped by Rielyn, Heather, friend Mary, Lenny and many of the other Helpers.

Kiah
16 years old.
She is the one that made many of the plans to run away to Europe..
She was the one that goes to downtown Toronto to get the Visa to go to France.
Heather dealt with the schooling side of it all and convinced the teachers that her parents were totally on board but too busy with the jobs to come in to the school.
Kiah forged all the paperwork.
Kiah was the first one to get other Helpers to work with her to achieve a common goal. Raising close to $1,000 to buy the airline ticket through each Helper finding clever ways to make or find money that would not be missed. It took many months but they did it. Grandma Peggy helped silently by being the holder of the money.

Maisy
18 years old.
Maisy was responsible for almost all the sex work while in Europe so Heather could continue her schooling by correspondence.
She stayed responsible for the sex in a large part until Heather was in her 40’s.
She likes younger men and to party. Staying in a committed relationship is very hard on her.

Max
22 years old.
Max is a soldier.
Max is definitely a protector and would do anything at all to protect the system but he‘s also very sensitive and being liked is important to him. Just don’t piss him off.
He has very high morals and expects a lot from himself. Perhaps a little too much.

Zinnia
24 years old.
Helped get away from their first husband Richard.
Found “creative” ways to make money to support Heather’s young children.
Zinnia is still able to be very creative with money and can make a dollar stretch in 10 different ways. Heather is the same way so they work well together and they have a lot of comfort in life that they would never have if they had not been so careful.

Tate
25 years old.
Tate is a lover, not a fighter.
He’s quiet and loves philosophical discussions.
Tate feels that he may be gay but does not want his reasons written here. We respect that.

Lincoln
25 years old.
Lincoln is Tate’s twin.
Lincoln is a music lover and plays many instruments beautifully.
He enjoys the same sort of philosophical discussions and Tate but his views are a bit more left wing in his views.

Alayna
27 years old.
Helped Heather navigate a new relationship and took responsibility for any sex that Maisy did not want to do.
Alayna is quite curt and tends to appear rude. She’s tactless.
Alayna was the first one to sing in public as an adult. She has a beautiful voice.

Sawyer
28 years old.
Another very scrappy Helper. He’s caused a lot of damage in the past and would also love a chance to have a go at Heathers mother.  Rielyn is very careful to keep him under wraps as much as possible.
Sawyer has planned ways that he would torture Judy much like she tortured Heather and the other little ones. This is very scary and makes Heather fear losing control at any time.
Heather has asked Rielyn if anger management might help but nothing has been worked out because Rielyn quite likes having a couple of smoking guns just in case they are ever REALLY needed.

Eve
In her 30’s.
Eve is the Mamma of the group. She helped raise the children and helped reduce the level of traumatic reactions while parenting for Heather.
Eve protected the kids at all times from any Helper out to cause problems while they were around. She is the ultimate mother hen.
She is having more trouble than anyone right now with the kids all being gone and not having contact. It’s been horrible for her and it is the first time in her life she has not wanted to continue living.

Owen
39 years old.
Owen is fiercely protective of the whole system but he is much more mature and calm in his reactions. He prefers to try to work things out rather than go off like a stick of dynamite.
Owen often takes over Lenny’s house chores when Lenny goes away to work or Lenny isn’t home for some reason.
Owen seems to have trauma of his own but he never discusses it. Heathers only guess is to wonder if he tried to rescue her from the rape out in the oil camps but ended up taking some of the abuse himself. That is only a guess though. Someone professional should ask him.

Rielyn ( means “dominant leader”)
Of course a name meaning “dominant leader” would be Rielyn’s name of choice. It suits her perfectly.
Rielyn is the only one that ages along with Heather.
Rielyn is responsible for just about everything.
She decides who comes out and when.
She decides how long they stay out and what Heather will be allowed to know of that missing time.
Rielyn also decides who Heather is friends with, who she accepts as a therapist, how much she allows others to know about Heather and the Helpers… she even decides what Heather will wear, eat and where she may go. There is a constant nattering between Rielyn and Heather. Now that Heather is stronger, she’s wanting to make more decisions but Rielyn is not accustomed to allowing anyone else to “drive”. It has been a long and tedious struggle over the past couple of years but Rielyn and Heather are getting in to a better rhythm now. Heather handles a LOT more now but Rielyn always has her finger on the eject button.
It is VERY rare for anyone to notice if Rielyn is out. She acts almost exactly like Heather in order to purposefully pull off a switch without anyone being aware of it. Even Heather often isn’t aware it has happened.
There is no really clear memory if Rielyn not being in Heathers life although she became a constant companion after Julie died when they were 19. Heather began to think that the voice she heard was her sister Julie and treated her as such. This gave Rielyn a lot of power that she may not have otherwise had.
Heather and Rielyn chat all day and often long in to the night. Getting Rielyn to shut up is why Heather needs such a high dose of Quetiapine. It is the only thing that helps quiet Rielyn’s constant chatter, orders, and strongly worded opinions.

Sienna
48 years old.
Very quiet and calm. Sienna is the one that keeps Heather look calm when Heather really wants to bolt or freak out.
Sienna is the epitome of calmness in a storm and grace under pressure.  She’s had a lot to cover for over the years.

Hudson
49 years old.
Hudson is an artist. He draws with pencils for the most part and seems to draw trees, eyes in death or pictures of Marcus quite often.
His favourite poem is “The Mighty Oak”
Hudson quite often deals with people who stand behind Heather in public places. He always has her back.

Valyn
56 years old..
Valyn just wants everyone to get along. She doesn’t want arguments, racism, hatred, misunderstandings, heated discussions… that stuff just freaks her out and makes her feel very unsafe.
Valyn can not understand why we just can’t all get along.
Valyn is very dedicated to Buddhism and knows a lot about it. She is Heather’s moral compass much of the time although Heather needs very little prompting to do the right thing.

Tucker
60 years old.
Tucker comes off as a gruff, tough old bugger but he’s really a sweetheart.
The gruff exterior does a good job of scaring many older men away and this is very helpful to the whole system.
Tucker loves a good strong drink now and then and can not understand why having one is so hard on Heather. It is a bit of an issue at times especially when a drink would be socially acceptable.

Margot
75 years old.
Margo is the Mamie (Grandmother) of the group.
Very little was known about Margot until recently but she fashions herself to be much like Heathers Grandmother Margaret (Peggy). Hence the choice of name “Margot”. She is very French and speaks only in French to Heather or others. Her choices of names “Margot” and “Mamie” both reflect her French background.
Margot loved living in France and enjoyed her time in sunflower fields. She’d buy bread and cheese then go to a field to sleep at night. The sunflower fields felt very safe.
Margot would like to be much more of a Mamie to the little ones.

Oscar
80 years old.
Oscar chose his name based on Oscar the Grouch.
Oscar is a grumpy old fuddy-duddy and he has been VERY rude to Heather in the past but now that she listens to him only when he is being polite, there has been a real shift. He hates to be ignored.
Recently Oscar has shown an interest in the little ones and has been caught giving them candies or making faces at them.
Heather asked Oscar if he’d like to be a Papie to the little ones and he was gruff about it at first but now Margot is encouraging him to help her and I feel he very well might step in to that role which would be fantastic for all concerned.

Adeline
88 years old but full of spunk.
Formerly known as “Aggie”, a mean-spirited, vile, abusive, older Helper, Adeline wanted to choose a more beautiful name to go along with the changes she is trying to make to become a nicer and more helpful Helper. Adeline and Margot are close friends and if Margot wishes to become more of a grandmother to the young ones, Adeline needs to calm her jets. The little ones were always afraid of her and still are.
Adeline tries to explain that her rough exterior was her way to keep people away from Heather as she feels Heather is far too nice to remain safe on her own. She offers an olive branch to be forgiven for the trouble she caused.

Tara
Tara is ageless with the wisdom to match.
In Buddhism, Tara is the female symbol/priestess of compassion.
Tara is trying to teach all of the helpers how to find more compassion within themselves and she spends a lot of time trying to offer this to Heather as well.

Alden ( means “wise old protector”)
Alden is much like Tara. Ageless and wise.
He seems to hold a special place in his heart for each Helper and is a constant companion to them in times of great strife.
Alden is the only one other than Rielyn that knows everything that happened throughout the years.
He seems to pray on a regular basis but doesn’t seem attached to any Church based religions. Perhaps it is a spirituality that he hold dear.

14 responses to “Heather’s Helpers

  1. Heartbreaking. And so incredibly brave. I am so honoured and grateful that you are my friend Heather. Much love to you and your wonderful Helpers.💗💗💗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lovely to get to know all of you a little bit more! Thanks for being so brave and sharing! XX

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have to agree wholeheartedly! This is so good to express and must have taken a tremendous amount of work and concentration.

    Like

  4. Suzanne Taylor-Jones

    Dear Heather,
    I love this post! You’re very brave, and kind, to allow your online friends and supporters to know your Helpers as individuals. I often read your list of Helpers, and have wished to know more about each one; now, you have shared some lovely details about them, allowing us to support and love them, as we do you, Heather!
    This is my first time to comment, but as a fellow PTSD sufferer, your blog has helped me tremendously! You are truly an inspiration. Thank you for sharing, and letting me know that I am not alone! Love, Suzanne

    Like

    • That means the world to me Suzanne. Its been hard to decide if I could share all of the Helpers but now that we are beginning to get some co-consciousness, I felt it was important that they feel a real part of the blog named for them. 🙂 Thank you so much!

      Like

  5. Brave! Thank You, this is an amazing gift to all of us and you!

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  6. Hello Heather and helpers,

    It’s nice to meet an learn more about you all.
    It always pains, but doesn’t surprise me that humans will sink to such depraved depths to hurt an innocent child.
    I”m sorry the mother hurt you all and still reeks havoc upon your lives.

    I think your time in Europe sounds fascinating.
    I recognize the importance of Rielyn’s job and am glad to learn more about her, since you, Heather, have written bout her before.

    Hope you will contribute more here overtly,
    sl

    Like

  7. Very brave of you. Thanks for sharing your parts with us.

    Like

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