Karma

  • Karma – An action now becomes a future consequence.
  • Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
  • “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” Eckhart Tolle
  • “Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don’t care who you are. What goes around comes around. That’s how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” Jessica Brody
  • “Even chance meetings are the result of karma… Things in life are fated by our previous lives. That even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.” Haruki Murakami

I was having my usual wonderful Sunday morning chat with my good friend D. She asked if I believed that life happened to us as we think it. Remember that book “The Secret”? What you think, you become. That whole thing? I don’t but that led further in to a conversation that spoke of karma and getting what you deserve. I have no idea how most people take this whole idea and perhaps it is not triggering to most people at all. If you’ve had a decent life, is it comforting to think that you are getting back what you put out there?

Both D. and I are trauma survivors. Heavy duty childhood trauma compounded by events in adulthood as well. Karma to us seems horrible.
If the idea is that you get what you deserve, what on this earth did we ever do to deserve the lives we were handed? Lives that will likely never be completely free of PTSD or its affects. We can (and we have) improved A LOT and we keep working hard but the cards we were dealt were impossible to work with.

I remember telling someone many, many years ago a little about my mother and her kind response to me was “Karma’s a bi**h. She’ll get back what she gave one day.” Well… I felt comforted for all of 2 minutes until my mind said, “What did I do to deserve what I got?”. That thought took all the self blame, shame and guilt that already lived inside of me and just nailed the last nail in the coffin that I had been trying to escape from. I shut my mouth that day and never told one person about the total package of my mother again for over 30 years.

You see, as abuse survivors, we are filled with guilt as a way to keep us quiet. We are told that we wanted what we got. We were told that we deserved it and we caused it. In a way, we are being taught that we are being dealt the karma that we greatly deserve. If we were a better child, teenager or adult, who behaved properly and didn’t screw everything up all the time,  we would have had better lives.

For years I heard those messages about karma and allowed them to settle inside my soul. I believed the messages that were taught to me in an evil way then cemented in to me by well meaning people who were directing their words of karma towards the abusers but landed them flat on to me.

It was only 3 years ago that I learned that I did nothing to cause what happened to me. I learned that I could have never asked for it, wanted it, or screwed up enough to justify what was done to me. I was a child who grew in to a young adult that believed I didn’t deserve any better and abusers took advantage of that. If I’d never been blessed with a chance to truly begin to heal and recover, I’d still not know that I deserved better and I woudl still believe I was getting what was deserved. My karma.

And just for a moment, I want to take a look at my beliefs.
If someone did me harm, do I want them to be harmed?
When my mother dies, do I want her to come back in a new life (as some believe) and experienced what she put me through?
Do I really want to spend my life holding out hope that bad things will happen to bad people?
I don’t.

What do I want then if it isn’t karma?
I want the people who hurt me to see the error of their ways and stop what they are doing. I know that many did over the years. It can not take away what they did to me but it can hopefully be one step closer to it not happening to anyone else.
Do I want my mother to come back and live my life? Absolutely not! That would only mean one more generation of pain and hundreds more abusers out there. While I do have some days when she’s hurt me again (I have no contact at all with her but that has not prevented her poison to continuously seep out of her every pore) that I feel very vengeful, but within a day or two I am back to wishing that she would just stop. Just stop. That is all I want. I don’t want her to hurt the way that I have because that only perpetuates the cycle of abuse. I want her to stop torturing me but more than that? I just want the negativity to stop with her and never attach to me. I refuse to be that person. Negative, hateful, wishing karma… I just want it to stop.

If this blog today makes you think about karma, the negative message that it sends to the victims and the negativity that it perpetuates in this world, I hope that perhaps today you can try to find a way to let it stop where it is and never continue on with you.

Now for a more positive quote with a terrific message for all.

Change

7 responses to “Karma

  1. I love this because I feel so similarly. People often say that my abusers “will get what’s coming to them” and, honestly, my family is in a constant state of self-imposed misery so it seems as though karma has played out. But that’s not what I want. I don’t generally wish bad things on people and I don’t believe we all get what we deserve. Because you’re right – we sure the hell did not deserve that abuse!

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  2. Heather, I could only get about halfway through this because it made me so mad and bitter and resentful and hurt. I HATE THE IDEA OF KARMA!!!! What a way to shut us up and make us think things are our own fault!!!! It’s like the “power of positive thinking” as if we can pray our way out of cancer or “good vibe” our way out of traumatic sequelae. If we aren’t happy and healthy, it’s our own damned fault.

    Really, I think this is a way for people to avoid having to “be the change they wish to see.” By placing responsibility on victims, people can pretend they don’t have any responsibility for helping to make the world a safer place. If the poor are at fault for their poverty, we don’t need a social safety net or a higher minimum wage. If we can convince ourselves that children are promiscuous, we don’t have to deal with CSA. And so on and on and on.

    People do not get what they deserve. I can see how that is a comforting philosophy (“If I live a good life, if I am a good person, then I will be safe”). But the only rebuttal necessary to the concept of karma is the fact that people hurt children.

    /end rant

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    • Oh my blogging friend. I promise you that if you read to the end, you will find that the blog ends EXACTLY the way your rant does. 🙂 We feel the same way. Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I did rather suspect that. Still had to skip. Some things just hit my Rage Button! Hugs back and thanks for this post.

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      • No trouble. It infuriates me as well but I never had the courage to really talk about it. I know people say it while focussing on wrongdoers but it always causes me a lot of pain while I wonder what I did to deserve my life? Serial killer? 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I agree. It’s very thoughtless. And maybe…. in a karma-like way…. their thoughtlessness gets punished by meeting my anger…? Ha! Okay, that was weak, but I have to try to laugh about things!

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