The words I never want to say again.

I was just watching a video and near the end of the video a man said “I never want to go through life saying I should have. If you want to do it? Do it! If you fail? So what? At least you tried.”
I tried to find his name to offer proper credit but no names were ever listed. I just had to share it anyways.

This attitude is one that I am learning to adopt and I do a bit better at it as time goes on but I felt a huge jolt of positivity when I heard this said and it just narrowed my focused a bit more in a very meaningful way. πŸ™‚

I don’t know about you but the things I regret the most when I look backwards are the things that I feel I should have done but didn’t. I remember having an idea once about having an online grocery store where people would order online and I would go get it for them and make money by doing that. I was repeatedly told that no one would ever pay someone to do that and I allowed myself to just drop the idea. About 2 years later, “Grocery Gateway” came along doing that exact thing and now they are a multi-million dollar company.
That is only one example and all of my ideas are certainly not worth a million dollars but when I look backwards, it is the “I should have” moments that bother me the most.

My first marriage. – I should have known better.
My kids.Β  – I should have said “no” more.
My weight. – I should have been more careful.
My diagnoses. – I should have seen it for myself.
My writing. – I should have started sooner.
My medical training. – I should have stuck with it.
The list is truly endless.

I can not go backwards and change any of those things but I can choose to change how I live now. When I look back at my life 10 or 20 years from now, I do not want to have many (if any) “I should have” thoughts in there.

When you have an idea and choose to ignore it, what holds you back?
When you think of calling a friend to go out and do something and then choose not to, why do you do that?
If you want to try something new, what is it that prevents you from trying it?
Fear? Apathy?

The fear of failure has often gripped me.
I put off writing a blog for YEARS because I was afraid of negative responses.
I never said “no” to my children often enough because I feared that they would leave me or not like me.
I kept my story a secret due to the fear that I would not be believed.
My monster (mother) bought my silence very cheaply because I felt so guilty and ashamed of all I had done. If people really knew me, they’d hate me.
Apathy has held me back too.
Statements like “Why bother?”. “No one will care.” or “I won’t be believed anyways.” held me back from even trying.

I’ve learned some very important lessons over the past 3 years.
People do care. I was just choosing the wrong people to trust.
Writing is my passion and although not everyone agrees with what I say, that is okay. This world would be terribly dull if we all just mimicked each other.
Shockingly I have been believed. Sadly not by the people who should have been there to support me but it has been proven now that I was looking for acceptance from people who don’t have that to offer. I’ve left them behind now and strengthened my relationships with people who truly care.
All that guilt and shame that I had was badly placed. I blamed myself for things that I had absolutely no control over. I felt ashamed for the actions of others. I was not the one making the choices. I was only the one being used. All that guilt and shame should lay solidly on my monsters shoulders. She was the ringleader so she can divvy it out to the others who took part as well.
My apathy was depression speaking. I didn’t really “feel” depressed but when I look back to how I felt and what I said to myself, I most definitely was. I’ve since realized that I am not a good judge of my own mental health. This is not a bad thing. It is just how mental illness works for me personally. I do not tend to see myself declining. I need people who know me well to point it out and thankfully they do.

Do you have many “I should have…” moments in your life?
Can you let yourself off the hook for the ones in the past so you can move on now and give yourself a fresh start?
Can you think of something you would do if there was no fear there to stop you?
Do you think maybe you can just go for it and take that risk?
Are you able to forgive the mistakes you will make and allow yourself to try again?

I want to make a real effort to live by the words of that unknown man. I wish I could thank him for them. Perhaps one day I will get the chance. πŸ™‚
“I never want to go through life saying I should have. If you want to do it? Do it! If you fail? So what? At least you tried.”


5 responses to “The words I never want to say again.

  1. Awesome words of encouragement Heather… Loved both quotes!!


  2. I tend to go back and forth. I’ll “should” myself and then back out and remind myself that I did the best with the information/resources available at the time. Then it’s a new cycle. But, thankfully, I think the ebb and flow still moved me closer to self-acceptance.


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