A letter to your younger self.

I think almost every person has something from their childhood that brings up a bad memory or some sort of guilt. Let’s say for the sake of ease that childhood is anything from when you are born until you finished high school. 0-18
You might have done a lot of good things but you do recall some bad decisions and perhaps you even still feel badly about a few things.

If you have childhood trauma of any sort, that will naturally add to your looking back and possibly feeling that you should have done more, tried harder, told more people, fought more vigorously or just done things that would have helped change your situation.

What we tend to forget  in either situation is that we are thinking with an adult brain now. We didn’t have an adult brain back then. All the ideas that now seem to pop in to our heads so easily are because we now have years of experiences under our belts. We have a better idea about what works and what doesn’t. We know who to contact in case of an emergency and we know where to call with our questions. We did not have all of these tools available to us when we were growing up.

It is very easy to fill your head with the words you heard so many years ago directed towards you in hate or with a lack of understanding. We do this all the time. When you say “I am such an idiot!” Is that really YOU talking or is that someone else speaking? Maybe a teacher told you how stupid you were or that you’d never amount to anything? Are you now the one telling that to yourself?
For me? I was called a sociopath my whole life. I never recall a time that I was not told that I was a liar and everything I ever said to anyone was to be ignored. This was how my mother/monster got away with as much as she did. She convinced others that my pleas for help were those of an attention seeking child/teenager rather than a child who really needed help. People preferred to think that as well rather than even look to see if the horrors of my life were true. To walk away from me saying “You need help.” was so much easier than staying in that space and accepting things needed to be seen for what they really were.
To this day I find myself saying things that will diminish or belittle myself and I still question almost everything I say. It has resulted in me being unable to tell even the smallest of lies because I fear being branded as a sociopath/liar again. This sounds great but beware… do not ask me if those pants makes your butt look big unless you REALLY want the truth. 😉

In our lives now, we also have a better ability to decide who we allow in to our lives and to what degree we allow them in. As a child, you just had to accept whomever was put there and we had very little say. If we really felt uncomfortable we were told not to be rude. If something bad happened, we were often scared in to silence or not believed. The was the ultimate betrayal and it often taught us a powerful lesson. “You must stay invisible and silent. You do not matter.”

I firmly believe that we need to offer that child within us some support now that we are adults. I think it is important to think of that child as almost a different person. It was you but it was “little you”.
If you feel able, I think it is a great idea to begin by writing a letter to the little you. Dear little _____,

In this letter you can express anything that you want to. Try to picture yourself as that child and perhaps compare a child you know today with the child in your mind. It will help you get the size and innocence of that age in to your mind and make it more concrete.

In my letters to my younger self, I try very hard to express concern, compassion, care, and a belief in the truth of what went on. I say that I am sorry for what she went through A LOT. I have told her many times that if I had known back then what I know now, I’d have gotten her out of there and taken care of her. I’d never let anyone hurt her. My adult self is capable of doing things differently but my little self wasn’t. Go easy on that little person He/she tried their best with what  they knew at the time.

Sadly you can never really go back and change whatever happened to you whether in your youth or your adult years but you CAN become more compassionate with yourself today. You can be that mother, father, teacher, or any other adult to yourself now. Allow the adult you to truly care for your younger self and start using your own words rather than others. You are not stupid, an idiot, useless or gross. I know that for sure because you read my blog all the way to the end and only the best people do that. 😉

Be nice to little you. It can really help with your healing.

Teddy

13 responses to “A letter to your younger self.

  1. I always found it interesting to meet people who let their younger self live. While growing up we tend to let the childish me die – the worst thing we can do.

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    • In my case, my childhood never existed. I was never a child. I was forced to be an adult from the day I knew what life was. I guess for me that side died before it was even born. I am now trying to give myself a childhood in some small way. To give myself what I was never given. Does that make sense?
      Thank you so much for your comment. I like hearing how other people handle these things.

      Liked by 1 person

      • We obviously share this. I grew up at the age of 5 due to a war. From one day to another I was forced to think about if I would live long enough to see the next sunrise with all my family members being alive. Just like you, I feel like someone had stolen all those years from me and killed that child too early. Every day I try to revive a bit of that girl, I try to remember beautiful moments and hold on to them… It’s such a battle. That’s why I’m always amazed to see people who still have that child somewhere alive, because I know so many who have buried theirs. I wish you all the best for your future childhood. May it be as awesome as you’d love it to be.

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      • I never knew my inner child. I still don’t. My real inner child died like yours. A sad and quick death. I am now creating a collection of childish moments. Swinging on a swing, getting my feet wet at the beach, playing with my young great-nieces and nephews at their level, acting like a fool with my dog, buying myself a stuffed toy, telling stupid jokes, giggling at the word “fart”… You can do this too. I think you deserve it for all you lost. Best wishes to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I strongl believe we can give life to that child again. It may not be the same child, but I do hope it will be a happy one.

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  2. You write beautifully. For me, I have a child alter who isn’t traumatised (doesn’t remember our history) and she is all sunshine and laughter and the big alters (like me) are getting to raise her as she should have been raised. I write her letters, and poems and draw her pictures. When she bakes or cooks I tell her to be careful but she is also free to be messy without getting into trouble. She’s a good kid. In ways, I feel lucky to have the opportunity to give her the childhood the rest of me didn’t have. She’ll probably integrate one day, when my sense of self is much more cohesive, but for now I get to spend time with her (co-consciousness) and she gets to experience a safe world.

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  3. That is amazing. Thank you for sharing that. I do not have co-consciousness with many of my Helpers. Did you always have that with your alters or is it something you worked on over time?
    Thank you for the compliment on my writing. It is greatly appreciated.
    I am so impressed and encouraged by your story. If I ever found a young Helper that I could be that way with, I would for sure.
    May I ask how long you have known about your DID? It’s only been 2 years for me and my progress is very slow with them (mostly due to no guidance).

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  4. I am working on self-compassion and your post was a well thought out reminder – Thanks. Maybe I’ll blog about self- compassion today.

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  5. Ah. I love this but man, this scares me. Someday I will be able to do this though. Someday.

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  6. This is a great blog, it took me back to my youth and it certainly makes sense, that we couldn’t have changed things as a child with the way we think now, we are adults now. I enjoyed this read thanks Heather. 🙂 Keep up the great work with your blogs.

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  7. Pingback: The FAA’s Human Intervention Motivation Study (HIMS) on Social Media 09/07/2015 (p.m.) | WEYHRAUCH LAW GROUP, LLP

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