Heartbroken.

Hey there everyone. I have had to make the most awful choice. My sweet fur baby “Beanie”, had to be put down today. I am absolutely heartbroken and feel like I will never be okay again. I know I will… but today it feels life changing/ending.
“Beanie” has been with me for a decade now. She watched the kids through their teen years and loved me even when they thought I was a moron. 🙂

She is very special to me for one main reason. Besides loving me and looking at me as though the sun and moon rose on my command, she would wait for me when I went out. She’s sit at the top of the stairs and wait for 1 hour, 1 week, or one month. When I was in hospital the dog Skyped with me. She was that attached to me… and me to her.

For many years I was beyond suicidal. I didn’t have A plan, I had 10. I didn’t even think of doing it for attention, I just wanted to be gone. In my screwed up head, I thought my family and friends would be better off without me. Then there was the dog. IF I killed myself? She’d never understand. She’d wait for me and I’d never come back. I’d break her heart. So I stayed… for the dog.

I am not in that headspace any longer thank goodness. I do not need her to keep me in this world but I wanted her in my world forever. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time. I feel absolutely heartbroken. 😦

I made this short video to share her with you. If you’ve ever felt the loss of a loved one (human or furry), this is for you too. ❤
It is also a chance for you to see my children growing up, my husband and myself just in case you are at all curious who is behind Heathers Helpers.

10 responses to “Heartbroken.

  1. What a sad day for you Heather….I am so sorry. It’s just horrible having to say goodbye to our furbabies – try and remember that she had a lovely life with you and that you were there for her at the end. And take time to grieve. I really understand when you say you stayed for her – I’ve been there too.
    Thank you for sharing this with us. Hugs, my friend.xxx

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    • Oh Wendy. You replied everywhere. You are such a kind and giving friend. I know that you really do understand as I recall how special Dylan was to you and the heartbreak you felt and still feel now and then. Thank you for everything. I mean that.

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  2. I’m sorry for your loss, Heather. I’m glad you are in a better place so that you will be able to get thru this.

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    • Thank you Sam. It has been horrible but it is also an amazing chance to see how far I have come. I did handle it and I am still handling it. Without dissociating (much). I appreciate your thoughts.

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  3. Polly Chisholm

    Thinking of you my friend, it is always a sad, sad time when we lose a great mate, and our canines are always that, ‘great mates’, no matter what happens they are always there for us. Baby would be proud of your video you made of her, thank you for sharing those wonderful moments of her life with the Mullaly Family, HER FAMILY. Hugs and kisses to you and Lenny. Goodbye BABY, RIP.

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  4. I’m so sorry for you loss, Heather. That video was amazing, and I could sense what a special animal she was……..thank you for sharing her with us.

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  5. So sorry for your loss… the video was absolutely beautiful. She was truly amazing. Hugs to you! ❤

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