Many people do not know what fronting is.
In the DID world, it is basically a term for who (which part/Helper) is showing themselves at that time.
Lately I have become very aware that a big part of peoples confusion regarding DID is that they rarely see another “side” or “person” so they assume a misdiagnoses, a great imagination, or a bid for attention is at play.
What needs to be understood is that most people will likely only meet me (Heather) or one of the Helpers. Very rarely will a different Helper appear to the same person in the same situation.
This is a tough one to explain but I am going to try.
This topic was brought to my attention recently with a doctor. She made a comment that she’s never seen anyone but me. The trouble is? I don’t remember her. I have absolutely no recollection at all of who she is or whee i know her from. You see, the same Helper will attend almost all of my medical appointments when it has to do with certain aspects of my health. I never go. It is never me. I am unsure of who it is but I am thankful that she takes care of that aspect of my life. Then I meet with this doctor accidentally in a non medical setting and she knows me but I do not know her. She was told of my DID diagnoses and wanted to ask me a question or two which is totally fine with me but she was totally confused that I did not know who she was. Apparently we see her every 6 months and have for the past 12 years.
Something that she failed to even consider is that who she met on a regular basis just might not be Heather. It is a very common mistake of people to assume that whoever they meet is the host/owner of the body/Heather.
That assumption is not only wrong but it can be damaging to the person with DID because people will assume you are not telling them the truth because they only get to see one side of you. They do not realize that in the DID world? The same person in the same circumstances, in likely the same places is going to bring out the same Helper.
In my system, each Helper has a very limited job list. One goes to female doctors appointments, another goes to appointments with males. One Helper will deal with children while another will deal with adults. One may be better in crowds while another is better with individual conversation. Each one has something they are good at and each one was created at different times in my life for that use.
An example of this was when I found out 2 weeks ago that Julie was created when I was 8, her personality instantly made sense to me. When I look back at life at 8 years old, it was a particularly stressful and challenging time. My life was in grave danger for much of that year. Julie came along as a new Helper who was able to take over in many of those situations and her skill set complimented the needs from those times. She is still in charge of very stressful, fearful, uncertain times in my life. If you meet me in an environment where I am completely stressed out on a regular basis, you will likely only ever meet Julie. It will never be me there at those times even though I do manage to hang on a lot better than I could in the past. Still… you would come to the assumtion that I was only ever one person and you never saw me switch or become anyone else. You would be right but you would have also never met me/Heather.
I/Heather am always out “fronting” when I am comfortable, do not feel a great deal of stress and feeling relatively safe. I am always the writer of this blog because I am the only on that likes to write. No Helper seems to have even the tiniest inclination to take over the writing of this blog. I find that fascinating to be honest. They usually have so bloody much to say. 😉 I can only imagine how odd it may seem to others that do not experience it.
Some people have seem more than one side of me. My husband, my in-laws, good friends, doctors, my children… Many people don’t realize it though until they realize that they have told “me” something and I have no recollection at all.
I try to stay present all of the time. I try to be the one who fronts during each situation but it took my mind 43 years to get the way it was and it will take more than a year and a half to unscramble the messages.
I hope that I have explained this decently enough to make sense of it. I know it is confusing and I am still rather new to all of this. I just hope that if I share what I learn as I go along, it will help others understand more as well.
If anyone has a different experience or explanation, I am always open to hear them. It never hurts to learn even more right?
I wish you all the best for a great week. ❤