I am not sure about how you feel but I tend to see the negative things about myself far more than the positive.
To make that thinking even worse is that I feel fine admitting my shortcomings but then I feel like I am bragging, showing off, or I worry what others will think.
“She’s awfully full of herself.”
“She just thinks that she is better than everyone else.”
“I don’t know who she thinks she is!”
“Miss Fancy Pants knows it all doesn’t she?”
Do you do the same thing? Show your downfalls willingly but not your strengths? Do you feel that you are being showy if you speak about yourself in a positive light? Do you worry about appearing as though you are bragging?
Or… do you just see the negatives about yourself and not the positives?
Why do we do this to ourselves?
I can not answer that questions any other way than to say that we were raised that way. Don’t brag. Don’t boast. Don’t show off.
We get a very backwards message from society that says that we should never say anything negative about others but then speaking well about ourselves is somehow wrong. How screwed up is that?
I think we need to start changing that dialogue inside of our heads but how do we do that?
Well… I am a realist from head to toe. I see very little through emotional lenses. I am not complaining about this trait. It has served me very well over the years. The only down side is that I’ve never applied my realistic attitude to this particular thought. I am going to work on changing that starting now.
I have an example of how your own self view can be so different from how others view you. I know many people who have weight issues. This becomes their focus when they view themselves. They see fat. They feel frumpy or unattractive yet these same people are referred to in such a positive way by others. “She is such a good looking woman.” “She carries herself so well.” “She really takes good care of herself.”
Why isn’t this what we say to ourselves?
I also know a few very thin people. Rather than worrying about their fat arse? They worry about how their hip bones stick out or look funny. They worry that others will assume they are anorexic. Once again, others are out there saying “My gosh she looks great.” “I wish I could eat like that and have her body.” People are generally positive.
I know full well that there will always be those that are just mean and will make you feel inferior but they are the minority. They are the minority but we give them the majority of our brain space. We really need to stop that don’t you think?
What are your positive attributes?
Are you kind?
Do you take care of yourself?
Can you do something special or different?
Do you have pretty eyes?
Is your hair done nicely?
Do you have a nice voice?
Are you creative?
Do others come to you and trust you with their problems or secrets?
Are you important to someone?
Do you love or care deeply about others?
Are you unique?
Do you have stories that can teach others valuable lessons?
Can you spot the good in others even when they don’t see it for themselves?
Wouldn’t it be a far nicer world to live in if we focused on these beautiful traits rather than the size of our arse or the bump on our nose? Our world would be filled with far happier people for sure.
I am a work in progress with this idea for sure. I always assume that others see my imperfections and it never really even occurs to me that they just might be looking at parts of me that they see as special, unique or important.
I need to start focusing on those too.
Are you with me? Are you willing to give it a try? What if we all spend this week trying to shift the way we speak about ourselves? Especially those inside voices. You know the ones. Those voices that say you are not good enough or that you’ve done less than your best. That you are lazy or whatever else you tell yourself.
Spend a full week telling those voices to be quiet and fill that space with a positive look at yourself.
I hope you will try this along with me and let me know how you feel about it all.
Have a wonderful week all of you amazing, unique, kind, lovely, giving, intelligent, creative, and supportive people. Be nice to you!