Does anyone else feel sort of stuck between two worlds? The world you have lived in so far and the one you want to live in for your future? I live in this in-between world right now.
I do not view this as a bad thing. I have been moving away from unhealthy and damaging people, addictions, serious depression, self harm and suicidality. It’s taken a long time but these past 10 years have been filled with new and healthier milestones. I am especially proud of my last 2 years. I’ve made some incredible changes and I’ve worked my arse off.
The place where I feel that I am going? Oh gosh… a huge goal of mine is to no longer need therapy. I will likely always need a psychiatrist to regulate medications but that doesn’t bother me at all. It is the weekly 4 hour drives to see a therapist in our closest city that I would like to no longer need.
I want to be giving motivation talks and I would LOVE to do some psycho-educational classes to those who need them the most. To teach our future doctors, nurses and other care professionals more about mental health is incredibly important to me as well.
I hope to keep growing this blog and get to a place where I feel it is well enough known to reach people who feel as I did in the weird world of DID and C-PTSD… alone. Totally alone, misunderstood, confused and afraid. I know that no one can reach everyone but I am happy to reach one incredibly important person at a time. 🙂
P.S. EVERYONE is incredibly important including you!
The personal life that I wish to have won’t feel so alien any longer. I will be able to offer my trust a bit easier and not totally over-react when someone lets me down. Being less hyper-vigilant, having fewer flashbacks & nightmares, feeling less anxiety… well heck ya! I want it all! While I am here being totally greedy? No more triggers would be nice too. 😉
All I really want is to be healthier. That’s not asking too much right?
I truly want everything that I mentioned above and I see no reason why I can’t have it one day. Many years ago, being who I am today was little more than a pipe dream. I did want it though and I worked towards it. Now here I am. 🙂
I hope you have felt that and experienced this in your own life as well.
I also hope that you are as greedy as I am and when you get to the goals you set for yourself? Want more. Just don’t forget to stop, enjoy the moment, be grateful for how far you have come and ignore how far you have to go. Every person alive has far to go. That is why we try to stay alive for so long. 🙂 We want to keep reaching new heights.
So how do you get from the old world to the new?
There are a thousand sayings…
One step at a time.
Two steps forward, one back.
One minute/hour/day at a time.
You don’t need to see the whole staircase to take the first step.
You get the idea right?
I believe we all live in this space for much of our lives and that isn’t a bad thing either. It just means that there was the life we’ve already lived and there is the life we still look forward to experiencing. When this forward thinking doesn’t exist? I believe we are in emotional trouble. Having something to look forward to each day is so incredibly important even if it is something as simple as looking forward to your favourite TV program, a call with a friend or a yummy supper. Our goals can’t all be made out of trips to foreign countries or the books you plan to write. The little goals that we can reach daily are even more important in my opinion. They lead us towards a better life inch by important inch. A life that we are proud of.
I did speak of some of my bigger aspirations. I do hope that you have some of those too. Future plans that may take you years to accomplish. It can be a wonderful feeling to know you have those things to look forward to as well.
I guess what I am really trying to say is that as great as the bigger targets can be, it is the smaller goals that we really need to appreciate the most. Honouring the space that we are in right now. Here. Today. Take a look around and see how far you have come. Be proud of that. Take some time to look towards your future as well but don’t ruin the joy you should feel for how far you have already come by constantly waiting for what is still to come.