Believe them.

Have you ever met someone and you feel like they really couldn’t possibly care less about you? Then you leave and start making excuses for them?
He must have been distracted.
She’s been having issues at work.
He’s stressed about one of his kids.
She’s been really busy lately.
He was probably not expecting to meet anyone today.
She looked like she wasn’t feeling very well.
Have you ever done that? I have!

What about a “friend” who say they will call you but doesn’t?
Promises to email you before the week is out but an email never comes?
What about the “Oh yeah, text me. I’ll get back to you.” that ends with you texting again and again with no reply?

Then their are more blatant signs that someone really doesn’t think much about you.
You’re at a party and they don’t even take time to say hello or you just get a passing “Hi” as they walk on by you.
You are taking a walk, you spot a friend but the friend pretends not to see you.
Phone calls are not answered.
Emails are ignored.
They have tons of time for Facebook but “no time” for you.

Family can be guilty too. Mothers or fathers can “forget” you. I actually heard a speech my father gave at his retirement party a few years ago and he made mention of how thrilled he was to have all his children there with him. Trouble was? I wasn’t there. When I got upset by that? His reply was “Out of sight, out of mind.” Ouch.
Siblings can forget your birthday, not bother to mention you at Christmas or other holidays, seemingly have a very short memory when it comes to getting back to you…

I know this all sounds pretty horrible so far and it is.
I feel it is really important to just look at the way someone treats you and rather than excusing them for it? Decide if they are really worth the effort that YOU put in to them.

Now please don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that people should never forget anything. People will forget to email you back or remember that they promised to do something with you. We are all human. The difference between these people and the ones that do not really care is pretty obvious though. A true friend will contact you, apologize and then make it up to you in some way. They won’t forget you every time.

When people treat you like they don’t care? Believe them.

The wonderful thing about noticing someones lack of care or interest in you is that the space they leave empty in your life can be filled with someone who truly cares for you, a new hobby, some extra time to relax on a weekend or any multitude of things we rarely make time for.
Don’t waste your time chasing after these people who do not care for you. You only get to live this life once. Don’t waste your energy or your time. Both are precious.

For years I did EVERYTHING I could think of to get the attention of my family members. I called on a regular basis, I sent cards, I hand-made Christmas gifts, I never missed calling them on their birthdays, I made afghans for them, I offered to house-sit… I really went all out. All the time.
Then my birthday would arrive and no one would call. I’d make excuses for them.
Christmas gifts were never reciprocated (that part is fine) but I wasn’t even thanked for what I’d done for them.
I’m sure you get the picture?
Leaving them behind was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I felt like if I lost them? I’d have nothing.

Guess what though? My fears were unjustified. Suddenly I had more time for my friends and built stronger relationships with them. I had more freedom to do things with others outside of my family and these relationships go two-way most of the time. I found more time for my husband who well deserves it. I got a second dog and pour time in to training her… it’s all good. πŸ™‚

You know what? I wish I had paid attention to those people in my life that gave me obvious clues that they really did not care about me beyond a surface level. I wish I’d just given in and accepted that they truly didn’t care. I would have started working towards a far healthier and happier life much sooner.

So when someone just doesn’t care? Walk away. You will be making time for something far more rewarding. You deserve that!

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8 responses to “Believe them.

  1. Polly Chisholm

    Couldnt have said it any better myself.
    Totally agree.

    Like

  2. This is a timely post for me to be reading. It is time for me to cut ties with the abusers (people from my family) and it seems to be a daunting task to me. But, in reality, they really don’t care and I spend way too much energy in trying to maintain a relationship with people who basically tried to destroy me. Where is the sense in that?

    Like

    • Oh Patty, I get it! I really do. It took me over a decade to rid myself of all of my family. I kept hanging on to strands, wishing for better but better never came. They only ever hurt me but there is still that emotional tie of being family.
      I will tell you though… I am on the other side of it all now. I’ve let them ALL go. It has allowed wonderful things to happen in my life. I have made time and room for healthy, fun, positive, helpful people instead. I am now very choosy about who gets my time and energy because I realize both are important. Keep going and drop those people who only do your spirit harm. Instead of seeing it as a loss, look at it as making space for better. πŸ™‚ Thinking of you.

      Like

  3. manyofus1980

    Thanks for this post. I needed to hear all of this. And very wel said!

    Like

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