Why?

Why?
This has got to be the biggest little word in the history of man. It’s a question I’ve asked more times than I could possibly count… even if I was good at math.
Why was I born? Why was I given to the parents that I had? Why didn’t anyone save me? Why, why, why, why, why????

Then I came across a “Pin” on Pinterest earlier today that really touched my heart.
Why1
I don’t understand cruelty.
People being unkind in any way to others makes me feel ill.
Causing someone else any sort of pain is my worst fear.
So how could I be treated so horrifically? What did I do to deserve it? What made me such an easy target? All those questions that have just baffled me over the years are beginning to show their answers.

You know something though? It really makes me mad when people try to offer my family excuses for their behavior. “They must have had something happen in their life. They must have issues. Maybe they just couldn’t do any better.” Yadda… yadda… yadda…
Well you know what? I was raised horribly. I have had a crapload of dysfunction to base my life off of. Stuff you can’t even imagine happened in my life and trust me, I have “issues” too. NONE of that has made me a monster. It did make it harder not to become one because doing what you know is easier than fighting all you have learned BUT once you are an adult? You are free to choose what sort of person you wish to become.

Back to the real question. Why?
Because they were thoughtless, cruel, horrible, unfeeling human beings with no interest in anyone outside of themselves. They made a choice to be horrid and they choose to stay that way to this day. They choose to hide behind smiles, nice clothes, volunteer work, Churches and money. They hide very well but they will strike like snakes at their first given opportunity. It is who they are and THAT is the reason why.

I chose to not become a hurtful, hate-filled snake of a person. I believe if you are reading this blog? You chose better as well. We are not like them and that is why we will never be able to answer that “why” question fully to our satisfaction.
Personally? I am slowly becoming grateful for that.

8 responses to “Why?

  1. I believe many people regardless of how bad their lives are have this question. Instead of why in general it is why is their evil-suffering in the world. Or why does GOD allow bad things to happen.
    I have an opinion. I believe GOD makes everyone good to start. GOD only wants us to be happy and content. He gives us his laws in order for us to accomplish being happy. The cause of evil in the world is free will. We all have the free will to reject GOD and what he represents. I believe those that are evil have not only rejected GOD but have embraced evil or demons.
    I hope that is helpful. My wife is struggling with the same questions as you are and I try to help make sense of it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The man who assaulted me also regularly abused his two children from babyhood. His son went on to abuse his own children and went to jail for it. Some people said it wasn’t surprising because of his own abuse, but he made the choice to behave that way. His sister didn’t. Heather didn’t. Countless other victims of abuse don’t. Some people don’t NEED a reason to behave inhumanely – in their screwed-up world anything they choose to do is absolutely fine with them. there is no “why”.

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  3. I used to lie awake agonizing over why I couldn’t understand why — why is there evil? Why have I been a target? Why do the twisted people act proud of themselves? Why do some people take their side and blame victims? I think you’re right — the fact that I can’t understand it just proves I’m normal.

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    • You are and I sympathize with all you said especially the part about people taking the abusers side and blaming the victim. I think on many days I find that harder to handle than the initial abuse. I hope you’ll keep commenting and healing. I wish you all the best and I am so happy that you can’t understand it all either. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Simply, we all have choices. It took me years to figure out that people don’t think or feel the same as I do. I have been just as hurt as they have, but I make a conscious choice to not project my demons like they do in an attempt to avoid their own pained realities. I finally realized that I had been trying to understand what I did wrong to deserve what they did, when in reality, I did nothing but stay silent and give away my power. Not anymore, I will speak the truth that makes those abusers uncomfortable bc I am no longer afraid. Their threats and belittlement used to create fear, but now they just fuel my anger and I will not stand in their toxic wasteland a second more. Because I choose now. They no longer have the power to choose for me.

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