Do you know who you are?
More than your name, age, height, marital status, job tittle and place in your family? Do you really know about you?
I didn’t. For the first 43 years of y life I was who I was supposed to be, who I was told to be, I liked what was given to me and craved for nothing else.
I went to more schools, lived in more homes, made and had to leave MANY friends, and had more jobs than you can imagine. I just tried to mold myself in to becoming whatever the people around me needed to be. I got REALLY good at it. This was not intentional. Not at all. It was just a lack of awareness on my part. I’d never been allowed/had the opportunity to just “be myself” so how could I know who I was? Then one day I was given a big clue by a tiny person.
One of my younger nieces asked me what my favourite colour was and I gave my usual answer. “Rainbow”
Her response? “No Auntie Heather. Rainbow isn’t a colour.” You have to pick one!”
I couldn’t pick. Without someone else saying that they liked blue or purple and me saying “Me too”, I didn’t have a favourite of my own.
So what do you do when you realize that you are a grown up and you don’t know who you are? I can tell you what I did.
I went online and Googled (have I ever told anyone how much I LOVE Google???) “Getting to know you questions.” I printed off hundreds of them. Some questionnaires were short and “simple” while others really went in to depth about your opinions and beliefs. While in hospital, I began answering these questions. Some I found rather easy but most were nearly impossible. I just had no clue and I really had to put my thinking cap on to decide between the world filled with options.
I felt a bit like a teenager with those magazine questionnaires about whether a boy is right for you but it was well worth my time and effort. Slowly as each day passed, I become more and more sure about my answers. Quite often, my answers would change from one questionnaire to another because the more I learned about myself, the more direction I found.
Why is this even important?
Well… how can you or I decide what we wish to do, where we wish to go or who we wish to become if we can’t even figure out who we are now?
I learned some really important things about myself and those personality traits that I uncovered are things I want to expand on. It also let me know what I don’t like so I don’t waste my time chasing those things any longer. Okay, not as often. 😉
So who am I? Heather, a mother, a wife, a friend, I run a support group and love to help people, I write a blog and am able to be honest in a way that many people are unwilling or unable to be because I am strong and I have a lot of courage. I am extremely independent and not quite as anti-social as I previously thought. Pretty cool right?
I am also hurt easily but forgive quickly, I stand up for what I believe in and my friends always get the truth from me, even when the truth isn’t the easy path for me to take.
I have downfalls too. I eat too much, I don’t enjoy exercise, I have far too many triggers, high anxiety and I avoid the phone (even good calls) because I am afraid of who it will be and if it will stress me out. I can be a bit TOO independent (just ask my husband who occasionally feels unneeded, I have no math skills whatsoever and no interest in changing that. Did I remember to say that I am stubborn?
P.S. My favourite colour? SCHOOL BUS YELLOW!!!!
Okay, that’s a lie.
I’d like ANY colour that a school bus came in so long as it arrived each day and took the kids to school. 😀 😦 🙂 (There is always at least one that is not happy to go on any given day.)