The Good Days

Oh how I love a good day!
The cloudiness in my mind seems to clear up to a beautiful clarity of thought.
My anxiety is replaced with excitement and energy.
I get things done and there seems to be less struggle.
I can put a load of washing in and remember to put it in to the dryer.
I can also remember it is in the dryer and ready to be folded.
On these good days, folding that laundry seems like a simple chore and not a Herculean task.
I am writing this blog and so far I have not wandered away. In body or in mind. It is just flowing easily and the words are not so hard to find.
My body feels good and there is a lack of heaviness in my chest. I can breathe.
I feel like tonight I will actually be able to go to sleep and maybe… just maybe… the nightmares will leave me alone for just one night. The day has been free of flashbacks so I am very hopeful.
Laundry, phone calls, a few texts, a blog, my emails are all caught up and I edited all the photo’s from the wedding yesterday.
When I am asked over and over and over again by a psychiatrist who tries very hard to understand me but seems to fall short…
“What does getting better look like to you?”
This is it. Days like today.
I don’t think wanting a life where breathing is easy, doing simple chores actually feels simple, making a phone call, writing a blog or sending an email can be done without hours disappearing in-between. Yet this is it. To be mostly free from debilitating flashbacks that leave me feeling about 4 years old and able to look forward to a good sleep without the monsters in my mind taking sleep away from me like thieves in the night.
This is not too much to ask for is it?
But for now? For today? I am going to enjoy this good day, write about here AND in my journal then tuck it away as a memory for when a bad day comes along.
Oh how I love a good day!

2 responses to “The Good Days

  1. Fantastic! And for you to have a good day right after a major social event is indeed a wonderful achievement. It certainly is NOT too much to ask to have a good day (and night); surely most of your days should be that way? Is indeed that way for many people? Wishing you many less bad days and many more good ones Heather!xxx

    Like

  2. Dancing Butterfly

    I love your entry and I thank you for sharing it. I agree with those ‘good days’ and I equally wish you more and more and more…. and that those bad days become a faded memory, washing away in the waves of the ocean, floating further and further away from your here and now. I love you girl.

    Like

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